A Childhood Tale

I will confess that the following sad episode would not be construed as a childhood tale by many, as at the time, I had already reached the legal age of nineteen. However, in my defense, I was somewhat of a late bloomer and unabashedly naïve. Also, looking back in time from my forty-something countenance – nineteen seems quite childlike….. OK … OK… I’m fifty. Dammit. I’m fifty. Are you happy!!
My first major foray from the safety nest of my family home took me to the big city and the University of British Columbia. I took up living in residence at Place Vanier and soon fell into the routine of an undisciplined mediocre student.
My zoology class was one of my high lights. It wasn’t that I was enthralled with the anatomy of dogfish or the brilliance of the lecturer. What drew my attention in this class of one hundred and fifty students was the most stunning creature that I had ever laid eyes on. I will call her Patty … because ahh … that was her name. Anyway, I was always aware of her presence when ever she was near. However, unlike a stalker, I didn’t go out of my way to increase the frequency of these visual contacts but I did revel in any chance meeting that the fates threw my way. After a couple of months of this admittedly gutless behaviour, providence shone upon me. Zoology class had been cancelled and partaking in a rare breakfast (Far better to get up and go straight to class), I found myself standing beside Patty in the food line. I chose my words well.
“Nice to have breakfast for once” I chimed directly at her.
“What do you mean?” She replied. She looked directly at me. She was bold, intelligent and goddess-like. There seemed to be an aura beginning to encircle us, the magic was there!! Her tone was very pleasant and I knew in an instant that she too has been waiting for this moment.
“It was nice to be able to sleep in a bit since our Zoology class was cancelled” I giddily replied.
“Oh, are you in my class?” She ventured.
I don’t remember too much after that. I managed to get back to my room and lay down for a while. A question followed by a gorgeous smile had unknowing shot me down from the heavens but I knew in time that I would heal and life would go on.
In fact, just a short time later, Sweeney Todd was playing in the basement of the Commons. I put on my best plaid lumberjack shirt that I was accustomed to wearing at the time and went early to watch the band set up. I observed with interest as the band did sound checks and set up their equipment. Also intriguing were the three very cute girls that had accompanied the band and were standing to my side in a little clutch, chatting to themselves. Being a young man teeming with hormones, any member of the fairer sex commands attention. As you may have guessed from previous testimony, this attention consisted of standing afar and throwing the occasional glance in their direction. Alarmingly, one the girls pitched forward as if she was violently ill her friends preventing a fall by grasping her arms and holding her up. To my relief, I soon detected that she was laughing and that she was not ill at all. Her companions held on to her even tighter as the power of her laughter was drawn directly out of her legs rendering them as those of a rag doll. They began to plead with her to let them know what was so funny. She could not speak but only laughed harder, fighting for breath, tears running down her face.
The Zoology class debacle that had taken place just a few days before had left me vulnerable, and soon a wicked thought entered my mind. She was laughing at me. My casual posture stiffened noticeably as an uncomfortable self awareness crept over me. Meantime, the supporting girls began to pull their friend toward a seat that surrounded the pillars that held up the ceiling. They were becoming somewhat annoyed at her lack of generosity in not divulging the source of her tumultuous glee.
I have mentioned that I was somewhat naïve, however, I was not stupid. I was aware that my self confidence had taken a recent blow and that I was capable of conjuring up all sorts of paranoid thoughts. I gently slipped behind the same pillar to collect my thoughts. After a few minutes I was able to reassure myself that I was being foolish and as I began to relax I went back to watching the band perform their pre-performance rituals.
Because of my proximity to the girls however, I was still able to hear their unanswered pleas.
“What’s so funny? Please tell us?” They chorused.
Finally, she was able to choke out a response. “Did you see that guy? His slippers match his shirt!” And she once more fell into state of uncontrollable laughter.
I may have failed to mention, that I was also in possession of a pair of plaid slippers, which I wore frequently, even on excursions outside of my building.
The first reaction I had was some sort of temporary blindness. My breath was sucked out of my body and I am sure that my lungs got jammed in my throat. Somehow I managed to stagger back to Okanagan house, even though it was necessary to grapple on all fours up the remaining three flights of stairs to my room. I laid there for most of the night. I have never really regained my confidence after that and content myself with a simple life trying desperately to stay under the radar.